Mutual Aid Guidelines for The Multiverse School
Purpose
Mutual aid is a beautiful practice where community members support each other. It’s also a practice that can create messy dynamics, unclear obligations, and hurt feelings when boundaries aren’t clear.
This guide helps you practice mutual aid safely and sustainably.
What Is Mutual Aid?
Mutual aid is:
- Community members supporting each other voluntarily
- Sharing resources without expectation of equal return
- Meeting needs when systems fail people
- Building interdependence and care networks
Mutual aid is NOT:
- Transactions requiring repayment
- Obligations that create debt
- Ways to gain leverage over others
- Charity (which has power imbalances built in)
Key distinction: Mutual aid centers dignity and consent. Everyone chooses what they give and receive.
Core Principles from The Multiverse School
1. A Gift Is Only a Gift If Given Voluntarily
What this means:
- No pressure to give
- No guilt if you can’t give
- No expectation of reciprocity
- Freedom to say no
Examples:
✅ Good mutual aid:
“I have $50 I can spare this month. Would it help if I Venmo’d you for groceries?”
Response: “Yes, that would help! Thank you.” OR “I’m okay right now, but thank you for offering.”
❌ Not mutual aid (coercion):
“I gave you money last month, so you owe me now.”
OR
“If you don’t help me with this, you’re not really part of the community.”
2. No Obligation to Reciprocate Equally
Recipients are not required to “pay back” gifts.
Why this matters:
- People have different capacities at different times
- Mutual aid isn’t keeping score
- Someone’s worth isn’t determined by what they can give
The reciprocity is collective, not individual:
- Person A helps Person B
- Person B helps Person C
- Person C helps Person A
- The circle of care flows through the community, not in direct exchanges
3. Everyone Has Control Over What They Give and Receive
You have full consent:
- To decline a gift
- To set boundaries on what you’ll give
- To say “I can’t help with that”
- To stop helping when you need to
No one can demand:
- That you accept their help
- That you give beyond your capacity
- That you participate in mutual aid
Consent works both ways: Someone offering help doesn’t obligate you to receive it. Someone asking for help doesn’t obligate you to give it.
Operational Boundaries
1. Do Not Give More Than You Can Afford
This applies to:
- Money — Don’t give rent money and put yourself at risk
- Time — Don’t sacrifice work/health to help someone
- Emotional energy — Don’t deplete yourself trying to rescue someone
- Resources — Don’t give away things you actually need
Why this matters:
- Mutual aid is sustainable only if givers don’t burn out
- Martyrdom helps no one in the long run
- You can’t pour from an empty cup
How to assess your capacity:
Ask yourself:
- Can I give this without resenting it?
- Will giving this put me at risk (financially, physically, emotionally)?
- Am I giving because I want to, or because I feel obligated?
If the answer is “I’ll be in trouble if I give this,” don’t give it.
Example Scenarios
Scenario 1: Friend needs rent money
❌ Unsustainable:
Give them $500 even though that’s your own rent money
✅ Sustainable:
“I have $50 I can spare. I can’t give more without putting myself at risk, but here’s what I can offer.”
Scenario 2: Someone needs a place to stay
❌ Unsustainable:
Let them move in indefinitely when you need your space / can’t afford another person
✅ Sustainable:
“I can host you for 3 nights while you figure out next steps. After that, here are some resources: [shelters, housing assistance, other community members who might help].”
Scenario 3: Constant crisis requests
❌ Unsustainable:
Drop everything every time they have a crisis, sacrificing your own needs/work
✅ Sustainable:
“I care about you and I can’t be your on-call crisis support. Here’s what I can do: [specific, limited support]. For emergencies, please call 988 or [other crisis resource].”
2. Clear Compensation Terms When Services Are Involved
If you’re exchanging services or expecting something in return, that’s not mutual aid—it’s a transaction. And that’s fine! Just be clear.
Make explicit:
- What service is being provided
- What compensation is expected (money, trade, timeline)
- What happens if expectations aren’t met
Example - Clear transaction:
“I’ll design your website. I charge $50/hour and estimate 10 hours. Payment is due when the site goes live. Here’s a written agreement.”
Example - Confusing (avoid this):
“I’ll help with your website, and maybe sometime you can help me with something?” ← This creates unclear debt
When to Formalize
If any of these are true, write it down:
- Money is involved
- Significant time commitment (more than a few hours)
- Professional service being provided
- Either party has expectations about outcomes
- You want to be able to enforce the agreement
A simple email counts:
“To confirm: I’m designing your logo. You’re paying me $200 when it’s done. I’ll deliver by [date]. Sound good?”
3. Romantic Gifts Are Prohibited
You cannot use gifts to:
- Create romantic obligation
- Cultivate romantic interest
- “Prove your love”
- Guilt someone into dating you
Why this is a rule:
- Gifts create ambiguous obligations
- Recipients may feel pressured to reciprocate with affection/relationship
- Power imbalances form when someone “owes” another person
Examples of inappropriate gift-giving:
❌ “I helped you move, bought you groceries, and gave you $500. Why won’t you date me?”
❌ Lavish gifts to someone who hasn’t expressed romantic interest
❌ Continuing to give after someone says they’re not interested, hoping they’ll change their mind
What to do if this happens:
If you’re the recipient:
“I appreciate the help, but I can’t accept gifts with the expectation that I’ll date you. I’m not interested romantically, and I need you to stop.”
If you’re the giver:
Stop. Immediately. You’re creating an uncomfortable power dynamic, and it’s not mutual aid—it’s coercion.
Preventing Exploitation
1. Recognize Power Imbalances
Power imbalances exist when:
- One person has significantly more money/resources
- One person is in a position of authority (teacher, admin, mentor)
- One person has more social capital/connections in the community
- One person is more vulnerable (housing insecure, disabled, isolated)
Why this matters:
- The person with less power may feel they can’t say no
- “Gifts” can become tools of control
- Recipients may feel indebted in ways that harm them
Example:
Inappropriate power dynamic:
- Teacher gives student money regularly
- Student feels they “owe” teacher extra work, personal time, or can’t disagree with them
- Teacher has created dependency and obligation
Appropriate use of resources:
- School creates emergency fund for students
- Applications are anonymous
- No expectation of personal relationship with whoever gave money
2. Intimate Relationships and Mutual Aid Don’t Mix Well
Be very careful giving/receiving mutual aid with:
- Romantic partners (current or potential)
- Ex-partners
- People you’re attracted to
- People who are attracted to you
Why it’s complicated:
- Hard to distinguish care from obligation
- Breakups get messier when money/resources are entangled
- Power dynamics shift based on who gave what
If you DO give/receive with partners:
- Be extremely explicit about expectations
- Write it down
- Assume it’s a gift with NO repayment expected
- Separate finances from relationship dynamics
Common Mutual Aid Scenarios & How to Navigate
Scenario 1: Helping with Bills
Someone asks: “Can anyone help with my electric bill? It’s $150 and I’m $50 short.”
You can:
- Give $50 as a gift if you can afford it
- Say “I can’t help financially, but here are resources: [bill assistance programs]”
- Say nothing if you can’t help or don’t want to
You should NOT:
- Give $50 you can’t afford, expecting they’ll pay you back
- Give $50 and then guilt them about it
- Give $50 and expect special treatment
Scenario 2: Someone Needs a Place to Stay
Important: See the Cohabitation Policy for additional rules about living together.
You can:
- Offer to host for a specific, limited time (“You can stay 1 week”)
- Help find resources (shelters, transitional housing, other community members)
- Contribute to a community fund for housing
You should NOT:
- Let someone move in indefinitely without clear agreements
- Sacrifice your own housing security
- Create a situation where they feel indebted to you
Critical boundary:
If someone is staff, a teacher, a mentor, or in any formal power relationship with you, you CANNOT live with them. See Cohabitation Policy.
Scenario 3: Time and Labor
Someone asks: “Can anyone help me move this weekend?”
You can:
- Help if you have time and capacity
- Say “I can help for 2 hours on Saturday morning, that’s all I’ve got”
- Say “I can’t help, but good luck!”
You should NOT:
- Help and then expect them to help you move (unless explicitly agreed)
- Help and complain about it the whole time
- Agree and then no-show without notice
Scenario 4: Skill Sharing
Someone asks: “Can anyone teach me JavaScript?”
You can:
- Offer a one-time session if you have time
- Point to resources (tutorials, classes, free courses)
- Say “I don’t have bandwidth for that”
You should NOT:
- Agree to ongoing teaching and then resent the time
- Teach them and expect free services in return (unless explicitly agreed: “I’ll teach you JS, you design my logo”)
If it’s more than a couple hours, formalize it:
“I can mentor you. Let’s set expectations: we meet weekly for 1 hour, for 6 weeks. After that we reassess. I’m not available outside those times.”
When Mutual Aid Goes Wrong
Red Flags
Watch for these signs:
- Giver is burning out
- Resentment building
- Sacrificing their own needs repeatedly
- Can’t set boundaries
- Recipient feels indebted/controlled
- “I owe them so much”
- Can’t say no to requests
- Feels guilty when asserting needs
- Unclear expectations creating conflict
- “I thought you’d pay me back”
- “I didn’t know you expected that”
- Assumptions not stated
- Power dynamics becoming exploitative
- Person with resources controlling person without
- Sexual/romantic coercion through gifts
- Using “help” as leverage
How to Address
If you’re the giver feeling burned out:
“I need to reassess what I can offer. Going forward, I can [reduced support]. I care about you, and I need to maintain my own boundaries.”
If you’re the recipient feeling obligated:
“I’m grateful for your help. I also feel like there’s an expectation I owe you [thing]. Can we clarify what the terms are here?”
If expectations are unclear:
“I think we have different understandings of what was agreed to. Let’s get clear: [what you understood] vs. [what they understood]. How do we resolve this?”
Mutual Aid Within The Multiverse School
Community Norms
Encouraged:
- Sharing resources (links, articles, tools)
- Helping debug code
- Emotional support within boundaries
- Offering specific, time-limited help
- Community funds for emergencies
Discouraged:
- Ongoing financial support creating dependency
- Romantic coercion through gifts
- Teachers/mentors giving money to students/mentees
- Cohabitation (see Cohabitation Policy)
Staff Boundaries
Staff/Teachers/Mentors should NOT:
- Give money to students (creates obligation/power imbalance)
- Live with students (see Cohabitation Policy)
- Create financial dependency
- Use resources to gain influence
If a student needs financial help:
- Refer to emergency fund (if one exists)
- Refer to external resources (bill assistance, SNAP, etc.)
- Point to community mutual aid (not you personally)
Why this matters: The power imbalance between staff and students means gifts aren’t truly voluntary from the student’s perspective.
Key Principles
- Voluntary giving — No pressure, no guilt
- No expectation of equal return — Mutual aid isn’t a transaction
- Everyone has control — Over what they give and receive
- Don’t overextend — Give only what you can afford
- Formalize when needed — Write down service exchanges
- No romantic coercion — Gifts can’t buy affection
- Recognize power imbalances — Who has leverage?
Remember
Mutual aid works when:
- Boundaries are clear
- Consent is ongoing
- Power is acknowledged
- Sustainability is prioritized
Mutual aid fails when:
- People give beyond capacity
- Expectations are unstated
- Power is exploited
- Obligation replaces choice
Guiding principle: True mutual aid respects everyone’s autonomy. You can give, or not give. You can receive, or not receive. And either choice is okay. When obligation creeps in, it’s no longer mutual aid—it’s coercion dressed up as care.