De-escalation & Conflict Navigation

For Everyone in the Community

This guide provides specific language anyone can use in difficult situations - whether you’re a student navigating conflict with a peer, setting a boundary with a facilitator, or a facilitator responding to crisis.

These tools are for horizontal relationships, not top-down management.

All scripts are:

Remember: Scripts are starting points, not rigid formulas. Adjust for context and your authentic voice.

General Principles for De-escalation

Do:

Don’t:

Scenario 1: Someone Is in Emotional Crisis

Signs:

Script: Grounding Response (Anyone Can Use This)

“I can see you’re going through something really hard right now. I want to help, but I’m not equipped for crisis support. Are you safe right now? Do you have someone with you?”

[Wait for response]

“I’m going to share some crisis resources with people who are trained to help in these moments:

You don’t have to handle this alone. Can you reach out to one of these right now?”

[If they resist or say “I just need to talk”]

“I hear that you need connection. I care about your wellbeing, and that’s exactly why I want you to talk to someone who can really support you through this. I’m [a peer/a facilitator], not a crisis counselor. Please reach out to one of those lines, and I’m here for [specific ways you can help] when you’re more grounded.”

If you’re a facilitator: You’ll also notify admin and document the situation. This protects everyone.

If you’re a student/peer: You can let a facilitator know someone is struggling, but you’re not responsible for managing their crisis.

Scenario 2: Setting a Boundary (First Time)

Signs Someone Might Be Crossing Your Boundaries:

Script: Clear Boundary Setting (For Anyone)

“[Name], I need to set a boundary. [Specific behavior] isn’t sustainable for me. Here’s what works instead: [Alternative].”

Examples:

Peer to peer:

“I notice you’ve messaged me 10 times today. I can’t respond to DMs constantly. Can you post questions in the forum instead? I check that once a day.”

Student to facilitator:

“I appreciate your feedback, but the way you phrased [X] felt hurtful to me. Can we talk about how to communicate differently?”

Facilitator to student:

“I can’t respond to DMs after 8pm. Please post questions in the forum during daytime hours, and I’ll respond within 48 hours.”

Anyone to anyone:

“That question is more personal than I’m comfortable answering. Let’s keep our conversations focused on [topic/learning goals].”

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but calling me [intense nickname] makes me uncomfortable. Can we keep it to [simple name]?”

Scenario 3: Boundary Violation (Repeated)

Signs:

Script: Boundary with Consequence (For Anyone)

“[Name], we talked about [specific boundary] on [date]. You’ve [specific repeated behavior] again. This is a problem.”

“Here’s what needs to happen: [Clear expectation]. If this continues, [Clear consequence].”

Examples:

Peer to peer:

“We discussed that I can’t be your primary support person. You’ve called me during my work hours three times this week about personal crises. I care about you, but I need you to stop. If this continues, I’ll need to take space from our friendship.”

Student to facilitator:

“We talked about you responding to my work within 48 hours. It’s been a week. This is the third time. I need a clear commitment or I need to know this space won’t work for me.”

Facilitator to student:

“I asked you not to share personal trauma in the main channel. You did it again yesterday. I get that you’re processing a lot, but this space isn’t equipped for that. Please use the crisis resources I shared, and keep class discussions on topic. If this continues, you’ll be muted.”

Transparency: Facilitators have the power to remove people from the community when behavior repeatedly harms collective wellbeing. This isn’t punishment - it’s protecting the learning space.

Scenario 4: Someone Expresses Suicidal Ideation

Signs:

Script: Immediate Crisis Response (Anyone Can Use This)

“Thank you for telling me. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. You deserve help right now.”

“This is beyond what I can support with, but there are people available 24/7 who can help you stay safe:

Can you contact one of them right now? Or is there someone with you who can help you make that call?”

[If they say “I’m not going to do anything, I just needed to vent”]

“I’m glad you’re not in immediate danger. And also, talking about suicide is serious, so I still want you to connect with someone trained in crisis support. Please reach out to 988 or Crisis Text Line today.”

[After providing resources]

“I’m going to pause our interaction here so you can get the right kind of help. We’ll check in after you’ve connected with support.”

If you’re a facilitator: Escalate to admin immediately, document everything, don’t attempt to “talk them down” yourself.

If you’re a student/peer: Let a facilitator know if you’re comfortable doing so, but you’re not responsible for managing this alone. Your role is to care and refer, not to rescue.

Scenario 5: Delusional or Paranoid Behavior

Signs:

Script: Don’t Argue with Delusion (For Anyone)

“That sounds really stressful and scary. I can’t verify what’s happening, but it sounds like you could use someone to talk to about your safety.”

“Here are some resources with trained listeners:

I also encourage you to talk to a doctor or therapist if you haven’t recently.”

Don’t say:

Do say:

If you’re witnessing this: You can suggest resources and let a facilitator know. Facilitators may need to pause someone’s participation if their behavior is disrupting the community.

Scenario 6: Aggressive or Threatening Behavior

Signs:

Script: Pause and Contain

If you’re experiencing this:

“I’m pausing this conversation for safety. [Specific behavior] is not okay here.”

“We can revisit this when everyone can communicate respectfully. In the meantime, if you need support, here are resources: [crisis numbers].”

[Then:]

If you’re a facilitator:

If they threaten violence:

“I’m taking this seriously. I’m ending this interaction and notifying [facilitator/admin/appropriate authorities]. If you’re in crisis, please call 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.”

Transparency about power: Only facilitators have the authority to remove people from community spaces. If you’re experiencing threats, tell a facilitator. If you’re a facilitator experiencing threats, escalate to admin.

Scenario 7: Someone Demands Special Treatment

Signs:

Script: Firm and Fair (Anyone Can Use)

“I hear that you’d like [what they want]. Here’s what I can do: [realistic option]. Here’s what I can’t do: [boundary], because [brief reason].”

Examples:

Facilitator to student:

“I understand you want me to review your work tonight. I can give feedback within 48 hours during business hours. I can’t do same-day turnarounds for everyone—that’s not sustainable.”

Peer to peer:

“I hear that you need support. I can chat for 15 minutes now. I can’t be on the phone for hours - that’s beyond what I can give.”

Anyone to anyone:

“I hear that you’re frustrated. The community guideline about [X] applies to everyone, including you. If you need accommodations for [specific neurodivergent need], let’s talk about what would actually help within our structure.”

“Calling this discrimination doesn’t change the boundary. [Specific expectation] is required for everyone’s safety and the integrity of the learning space.”

Scenario 8: Love-Bombing or Intensity

Signs:

Script: Redirect Intensity (Anyone Can Use)

If someone is being intense with you:

“I appreciate that you value [this space/our connection]. I have limits on how available I can be. I can’t be [your therapist/your only support/available 24/7].”

“I encourage you to build relationships with multiple people. Here are some peer support resources: [links].”

For excessive praise:

“Thank you—a simple ‘thanks’ is enough. You don’t need to perform gratitude here.”

If you notice yourself doing this: Notice the pattern. Are you putting all your support needs on one person? That’s not sustainable for them or you. Build a wider support network.

Scenario 9: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Response

Signs:

Script: Reaffirm Care Without Removing Boundary

If someone is spiraling:

“I can see that you’re really upset. I want to be clear: this isn’t rejection. I care about your wellbeing, and I also need to maintain [specific boundary].”

“Feedback on [work/behavior] is not feedback on you as a person. You’re valued here. And also, [specific expectation] still stands.”

[Give them space]

“Take some time if you need it. When you’re ready, we can talk about how to move forward.”

If you’re the one experiencing RSD:

Don’t:

Do:

Scenario 10: Someone Wants to Build/Lead Too Soon

Signs:

Script: Redirect to 90-Day Pause (For Facilitators)

“I can see you have big ideas and a lot of passion. That’s great. We also have a process to support people who want to lead or build: the 90-Day Visionary Incubation Track.”

“It’s designed to help ground your vision and make sure it’s safe and sustainable. You can’t recruit or launch under the Multiverse umbrella until you complete it.”

“This isn’t rejection—it’s containment for safety. Vision without grounding is fantasy. We care about what you build.”

[If they resist]

“I understand you’re eager to move forward. The pause is non-negotiable. If you choose to launch without completing the process, you won’t be affiliated with Multiverse and we can’t support you.”

If you’re a peer experiencing recruitment: You can say “I’m not interested” or let a facilitator know if it feels pressuring.

If you’re the visionary: See So You Want to Build a School for the structured path forward.

Quick Reference: Tone & Body Language (for in-person or video)

After De-escalation: Self-Care (For Everyone)

De-escalating conflict is exhausting - whether you’re a facilitator, a peer supporting someone, or the person who was in crisis.

After any intense interaction:

  1. Debrief with someone — Process what happened (peer, facilitator, therapist, friend)
  2. Document if needed — Write it down while it’s fresh, especially for boundary violations
  3. Take a break — 15 minutes minimum before next task
  4. Check your body — Drink water, stretch, breathe
  5. Release responsibility — You did what you could; the outcome isn’t all on you

From peer support research: Helpers need help too. Don’t carry this alone.

If you’re a facilitator: You have additional responsibility to notify admin and document safety incidents. That’s part of the power you hold.

Understanding Power in These Scripts

Let’s be transparent:

Facilitators have power to:

Everyone has power to:

No one should:

Key Principles

  1. Clarity over comfort — Be direct, not vague
  2. Validate feelings, hold boundaries — Both can be true
  3. You’re a bridge, not a clinician — Redirect to appropriate help
  4. Document and escalate when needed — Use the structures we have
  5. Boundaries are care — For you, the other person, and the community
  6. Horizontal relationships require mutual accountability — Anyone can set boundaries with anyone

Community Co-Leadership in Action

These tools work because we all share responsibility for community health. Facilitators aren’t the only ones who can de-escalate, set boundaries, or support someone in distress.

We’re co-creating a learning space together.

That means:

Transparency: Facilitators have specific responsibilities (removal authority, documentation, escalation protocols). But the day-to-day work of healthy community happens peer-to-peer.

Remember: The best de-escalation is prevention. Clear expectations, early boundaries, and neurodivergent-affirming communication reduce most crises.